Sunday, January 30, 2011

Conflicted

I had my 2nd Beta today and it was 336.

I am still in shock and somewhat disbelief.

We have told several family members because they have been following our journey for a long time now. Not one seemed to be cautious or guarded about it being so early. In fact all this talk about the future and "when the baby comes" were discussed. There were tears and so much excitement. But with each person we told I felt a little nervous about it. What if something goes wrong? It is so early.

The reason we decided to tell family the details of what was going on and sharing the news so early was that we wanted support. And we figure if something does go wrong with this pregnancy we would want the support in getting through it. But I just feel conflicted about it because of HOW excited everyone was. This is going to be DHs parents' first grandchild so naturally they were elated. Part of me feels like I would be disappointing everyone (and myself of course) if things went wrong.

So I try and remind myself of these things 1) It is out of my control and worrying will cause more harm than good. 2) It has taken us a long time to get here so we deserve to enjoy it just like any fertile woman would feel when she got a positive and 3) If something bad happens we will get through it.

This is such a weird place I am in.

We go for our first u/s on Valentine's Day--I really can't think of anything more romantic.
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6 comments:

  1. AmyJanuary 30, 2011 at 8:12 PM

    Very romantic! That is so sweet!
    I think that one more important thing to remind yourself is that even if something happens and everyone is disappointed (which everyone will be, you most of all) IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! You are not the cause of the disappointment. You are not responsible for causing disappointment. So don't beat yourself up.
    anyway I really really hope you don't even have to worry about it - it is going to be a wonderful, exciting pregnancy.
    p.s. I gave you an award on my blog

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  2. ousoonerchickJanuary 30, 2011 at 8:49 PM

    My thoughts are don't tell any the news or won't want to tell if something goes wrong. I plan to tell my family and a few friends that know what we've been going thru, they'll all be happy but also know the fear ill have about keeping it. I don't know if that helps. Just happy and excited and if it doesn't work out then well still all be here for you.

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  3. waiting and wishingJanuary 30, 2011 at 9:10 PM

    Valentine's Day is sure to be bursting with love!!! So happy for you :)

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  4. SaraJanuary 30, 2011 at 10:14 PM

    Sounds like an awesome date is planned for Valentine's Day! Soak it all up! :)

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  5. heartinchargeJanuary 31, 2011 at 10:12 AM

    congratulations.
    in my last pregnancy, i didn't tell those close to me, and regretted it because when things went wrong, it felt like the pregnancy never happened because nobody knew. i felt very alone with only DH and I to acknowledge our grief.
    so i think you made the right decision to share with close family. plus it looks like things are going well. wishing you the best V-day ever!

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  6. Mrs. RFebruary 3, 2011 at 9:59 PM

    wow!! congratulations!!! :) what great betas! i hope your ultrasound goes wonderfully, that sounds so romantic!!!

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