Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Pink, Pink, Pink It Is!

Yesterday I had my 16 week check up with my perinatologist and she confirmed that we are indeed expecting three little ladies! The girls looked great and are each weighing in at a whopping 5 oz each. She said they were in the 70th-ish percentile so I am very proud of my little ones. I guess me feeling like the life is being sucked out of me is worth it because it seems like they are taking what they need from me. 

It is such a relief to see the babies on the u/s and to know they are doing good. I can't believe how high up Baby C is already (almost to my ribs)! 

I have my cervix checked at each appointment and the doc said that 3 weeks ago it measured at 4.0 cm, but yesterday measured at 3.7 cm. She said it was not too much of a cause of concern right now, just something she will be looking at closely, and would like to start seeing me every 2 weeks. Remember, I also see an OB, so it looks like I am about to start weekly appointments (since alternating between the two). A shortening/weakening cervix could be cause for bedrest so I am hoping for it to stay very strong!

After the appointment we took a private tour of the NICU. The nurse was so nice and informative. One of the first things she said to me was, "I know you hear all the scary stories, but you need to know that we have plenty of triplets born who we don't even see in the NICU because they go home with their mommy and daddy". It is very helpful for me to hear the positive stories. We saw some tiny babies in there and I just wanted to hold all of them. I feel a lot better having seen the NICU and having the nurse explain things like visiting policies, and what to expect in the NICU. She told me to be sure I take the "regular" tour also, so I will make sure to do that. 

Although on some level this whole thing is still pretty surreal, it is already becoming normal. And now I am really getting excited about their arrival. Outside of massive dizzy spells I am feeling great and just taking things day by day. 

Thanks for the supportive comments about my family/financial drama. They really helped. DH has been talking to his dad about figuring something out. Let's hope for some resolution that is manageable!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Family/Financial Issues Vent

There has been a situation that I am really trying to not get worked up about, but I am having a very hard time so I am going to vent about it here. I know that this stress is not good for the pregnancy so I really need some help in not letting it get to me. 

A little background: My DH and I have been together since college when we were broke and our parents didn't give us very much money to live on. Then I started grad school so we were living on one income. Long story short, we have never been the most financially stable, and only recently have had enough money to pursue fertility treatments and to start saving for a baby. Once the triplets are born I will not be returning to work for many reasons (impossible to afford childcare for 3 babies, I want to raise my children, childcare would be a logistical nightmare, etc), so we will once again be living on one income.

The Situation: My DH's parents are divorced. It was his parents' agreement that they would each pay for half of his college education. Right before Christmas, his father told his mother (via email) that he was "done" with his half and that it was her turn to pick up the student loans for her half. Instead of them working things out on their own, DH's mom came to DH and said she couldn't afford to take them over and asked if he would handle it. For some reason, it is IMPOSSIBLE for my DH to confront his mother about anything. He talked to his dad about it and his dad said he would take care of it.

Fast forward, almost 6 months, and last week I got a call from a collections agency. Apparently no one has "taken care of" or paid the student loans since before Christmas and the account has been turned over to a collections agency in my husband's name. We have to pay an additional $2k to remove the delinquency and then back to payments for the remaining $5k of the student loan. 

I am freaking out because we CANNOT afford to take on this added expense right now. We are already concerned with being able to afford care for 3 babies on one income. Adding another monthly payment is next to impossible. We are already have some debt we are trying to pay off and a very little amount of money in savings. 

I am PISSED at my MIL because she constantly plays the victim, she is passive aggressive, and avoids any potential conflict. She should have just worked things out with my FIL instead of going to my DH with it. I feel HELPLESS because there is nothing I can do in this situation to take care of it, and it is not my place to ask his parents to try to resolve this. DH just wants us to figure this out on our own. How in the world are we going to afford 3 babies!?!?! How will we make ends meet? Just when I feel like we are getting ahead financially we are taken back by this and I feel like it was not our fault. I am so scared of what this financial stress is going to do to us once the babies are hear, and for what it is already doing. 

I am not sure how you can help. I am hoping for any advice or support. I am allowing this to make me anxious and upset, and I know that is the last thing I need to be right now. If you made it this far...THANK YOU!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Before and During Pics

CD1, 0w1d pregnant. I have to admit I was flexing...

15w4 Triplet Belly

Hope everyone has a great Easter! :)

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Lists, Lists, and More Lists

What do I do when I feel overwhelmed? Make lists of course! All of a sudden at 15w2d pregnant I feel like time is running out to get everything done that I need to. I think I have mentioned before that my MFM informed me that some women who are pregnant with triplets don't need bedrest at all, while some need it as early as 18-20 weeks. I am being very optimistic that the later won't be me, but I would also like to be prepared in the event that it could be.

My mom is throwing me a shower for family/friends on May 29th and I will be just over 20 weeks (and the size of a 30+ week singleton pregnancy). I have been adamant about not wanting to possibly miss my one and only baby shower because I might be on bedrest so we aired on the side of cautioned and planned to have it early as I am told most triplet moms do. So that means the shower is in less than 6 weeks and we have not registered yet. 

My first list is of things we want to register for. The list is mighty long. If you think about all the things you need for one baby and multiply almost everything by 3 that's my list. Of course there are some things we won't need 3 of, but for the most part this list is overwhelmingly long. But I keep telling myself that we can make do with whatever we have and that there are a lot of things on that list that are not "necessities". 

My second list is a list of people to invite to the shower. I can't wait to share in this excitement with all of them! At the same time it feels surreal that we are already planning my baby shower. Not so long ago I wasn't sure if this event would ever happen. 

My third list is a to-do list in which I am trimming the fat on our budget. Since we will be living on one modest income after the babies are born, we really need to cut corners. I am researching cheaper phone, cable, etc plans just to trim things down a bit.

My fourth list is a general household to-do list. There are many things we need to do to prepare for the babies like moving furniture around, fixing a couple of things around the house, etc. We plan on starting the nursery within the next month.

I feel like everything is fast forwarded with a HOM (higher order multiple) pregnancy. And I suppose it is, seeing as though an average triplet pregnancy lasts 32 weeks. Imagine taking 2 months off the entire process. I know we will be ready, but all of a sudden time is ticking and I would like to be as prepared as we can in the event that I am a prisoner to my bed and can't do anything but sit around and think about all the things I wish I could have taken care of. 

So those are my lists, and as I cross each item off I feel a little better. 

BTW, one last update: My OB's office called yesterday to inform me that my hemoglobin was low. I was already taking iron supplements 3xs a week since my OB said that anemia is very common in HOM pregnancies, but the nurse told me to take daily from now on. I was kind of glad to hear this in a way, because maybe that has been the cause of my dizziness, and if so, I am hoping that by upping my iron intake it will alleviate that!

Monday, April 18, 2011


My body is changing so rapidly I can't keep up with it. Last night was a real eye opener for me. During almost the whole first trimester I wasn't too keen on any physical intimacy with DH. I felt sick and tired most of the time. Well, since about 12 weeks when things started to improve, intimacy was green lighted once again! Last night was horrible and I just wanted to share...maybe TMI, but I will be tasteful. 

DH and I were BD (can we still call it that even though we already made the babies?) and we had to keep stopping and taking breaks because I was getting dizzy and out of breath. It was really annoying and I did not want to stop, but I also did not want to pass out. It also felt like there was something between us (because there was! a belly with three babies in it). That was weird. We had to be creative with positioning and we worked something out that was mutually beneficial. 

Immediately after I started crying (hormonal much?). I feel like my body is not mine anymore and I am completely ok with that 99% of the time. But if I am being honest, there are times when things start to get uncomfortable that it becomes frustrating. It also made me fear what is ahead a little. I am going to get HUGE and I am not going to be able to do most things. With a higher order multiple pregnancy some/most doctors do not want you having intercourse past 20 weeks because it can cause contractions. But really, this whole breakdown wasn't about the sex is more about some of my fear with what is to come and the limitations that are going to be placed on my body. Last night I had trouble making it through some very easy, gentle intimacy. Breaks!? It just felt so weird. It made me afraid of all the little things that are going to make me feel out of breath/dizzy or that I won't even be able to do for myself. Thinking about how uncomfortable I will get that I won't be able to sleep. Yikes. 

I try to live in the moment and enjoy things one day at a time and I really do a good job of that! But last night was quite the wake up call of how much is changing and will continue to change. The sacrifices are WELL worth it, but it is a strange thing to not really have control of your body anymore. I keep telling myself that I can do it. I guess I should try not to catastrophize and just chalk it up to a bad day...

I hope no one is offended by this post. I truly feel like I can be 100% honest here because of how supportive you all are, and also because of the anonymity. I thought maybe others can relate and if not I could just have an outlet. 

Friday, April 15, 2011

14w3d OB Updates

Had an OB appointment today. I love going to the doctor's appointments. Not only do we get to see the babies each time, but I get to ask all of the questions that have been floating around in my head for the past week or so. 

The babies looked great on the ultrasound. This tech (different office) is also thinking 3 girls, but also made it a point to say that it was still early at 14w3d. One of the babies looked like she was punching the other. The fights are already starting! I was laying flat on my back during the ultrasound and started getting extremely dizzy (like almost pass out dizzy) so she had me turn on my side and I felt better. She and the doc explained that when the uterus expands if you lay flat it constricts the major arteries that bring blood and oxygen to your head. They said it happens a lot and not to worry. But that is why you should not lay flat on our back after 20 weeks (and for me and my quick growing uterus, now). 

The doctor said things looks great so far! The two main things we check and are concerned with are blood pressure and cervix. Those are the two main reasons (other than babies being in distress) for pre-term delivery and also indicators of needing bed rest. My BP today was a nice 105/59 and he said my cervix was "long, thick, strong, and beautiful". Sorry to explain my parts in such detail, but I was so proud of my cervix that I just had to share. I told my husband that my cervix is like steel and is probably why we couldn't get least now it is a benefit! Not necessarily true but I like to find the silver lining. So at each appointment we hope for low blood pressure and a strong cervix that has not shortened. 

The most interesting thing I learned today was how much my uterus has grown and moved up. He showed me where it was (up between my belly button and rib cage). And I could even feel it! It is amazing how much is changing in my body so quickly. 

Next I headed over to my appointment with the dietitian who specializes in multiple pregnancies. Honestly, I think it was a waste of $95. She was very pleased with my ALREADY 12LB weight gain!! We only met for 30 minutes and she gave me a handout with notes about things to eat, what to be careful with, etc. I think she could have just emailed me the handout and I would have gotten the same from it. But anyway, the 3 main take homes were that I need 100 oz of fluid per day, 120 grams of protein, and at least a 50 lb weight gain! It was a nice reminder to eat protein with each meal and there were some helpful suggestions on the list for ways to incorporate protein. 

Most women have frequent urination as a first trimester symptom...but this has been a new development for me. And let's just say that coughing is risky these days. Someone (or more) must be growing very close to my bladder. The headaches seem to be getting better. I am definitely feeling the growing pains of my uterus and it some times wakes me up at night. Feels like stretching and pulling and soreness. Understandable considering how fast I am growing! Overall the saying that the second trimester is the best trimester is proving to be true. I try not to think about how uncomfortable I will be in the future and enjoy being able to move around while I can. 

So that's about it! Now I am at work trying to pretend like I am doing something when all I want to do is think about babies and enjoy my weekend! Happy Friday to all and have a great weekend! 

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

14 Weeks and Reflections

14 Weeks today! What a milestone! No matter who you ask I am officially, officially in the second trimester! I love Tuesdays because we get bumped up to the next week. 

When I reflect back on the first trimester, I can't believe how far we've come in this pregnancy and yet we've only just begun this journey in some ways...

It all started with a very faint BFP on 10dpiui. I remember taking HPTs almost daily up until my first ultrasound (for about 2 weeks). I still have all the tests! At the time I wanted to believe it was finally happening, but I needed to see it!

And then our first ultrasound at 5w6d on Valentine's Day. I will never forget the ultrasound tech's first words after taking a look "well, this is interesting". Our lives changed forever that day when we saw 3 sacs. I have never been so shocked in my life. I truly did not know what to think other than to be elated that we had achieved pregnancy. Although there were only 2 heartbeats at the time, I think deep down I knew the third would come around...and it did.

Then fear set in. I had doubts about my ability to carry 3 babies. I was scared for them and I was scared for me. But soon after seeing 3 heartbeats our hearts were made up and these were our babies no matter what and we were up for the challenge.

Next was was like having the worst hangover every single day for about 5 weeks. But of course it is worth it. 

And now here we are in the second trimester and I am so in love with these beings that are living inside of me. The nausea has subsided and headaches have replaced it...oh well, I would rather have headaches. I am really proud of myself for not letting fear ruin this experience for me. Of course scary and irrational thoughts pop into my brain, but I have done a really good job of pushing them aside and feeling strong and confident. I have my moments, but they are just that...moments. 

This Friday (14w3d) I have an OB appointment and an appointment with a dietitian who specializes in pregnancies with multiples. I have gained 9 lbs and my stomach has popped (belly pics to come) but I have a long way to go as far as growth and weight. I can't wait to see the babies again and to see how they have grown. I am in awe of what is taking place and even feeling sentimental that this might/probably will be my only pregnancy. It is just amazing how much I have changed both physically and emotionally since that faint BFP. I hope so much that the rest of this pregnancy is healthy and happy and that I can handle any challenges that arise...because of course, there will be challenges. I do think it is important to stop and reflect and give ourselves credit every once in awhile :) Thanks for letting me share!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

13 Week Whirlwind and Thinking Very Pink!

The past few days have felt like a whirlwind. There have been some major developments: 1) I entered the second trimester (well, according to some, I am 13w1d) 2) We have announced the pregnancy to more than just our close friends 3) I told my bosses and 4) We had our NT scan yesterday and the doctor thinks she knows the genders already!

1. Some say the second trimester is 12 weeks, some say 13, and some say 14. I am going to go with the mean and say 13 weeks which puts me into the second trimester. Whooo hoooo! I already feel better. Most of my morning sickness has gone away and the most annoying symptom is headaches. But I will take headaches over the nausea any day! I truly feel like I am "enjoying the pregnancy".

2. I allowed my dad to post a status update on his Facebook because he has been dying to tell his "friends". It has been fun to read everyone's comments congratulating him and us. I put a brief little something on my profile on FB about expecting triplets this fall, but I just don't think I want to do a big status update yet. DH and I were out and about and ran into an old high school friend and he asked what we have been up to and if we have kids yet and I said "they are on their way" and patted my belly. He didn't ask any further questions, but it was fun to say it out loud.

3. I told my bosses today and told them that I will not be returning after the babies are born. They were very happy and excited for me (and shocked), but also sad that I am leaving. It might not have been the smartest financial decision to tell them I am not coming back (I will have to pay extra for my insurance--but it is not that bad), but I feel good that they know the truth and I can leave this job with closure and integrity.

4. I saved the best for last. Yesterday at the MFM (Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist/Perinatologist) we had our NT scan. She has to send the results off but she said from what she could tell they babies looked "fabulous". We got to take great, long looks at each of them as she took measurements. Baby A & Baby C measured 1 day ahead at 13w1d, and Baby B measured 5 days ahead at 13w5d. They were beautiful and I loved every second I was watching them. 

She asked us if we wanted to know the genders and we said yes! She told us that nothing is 100% this early, but that she is "fairy certain" that Baby A and Baby C are girls. She could not get a good look at Baby B with how he/she was positioned but from what she could see, she was also thinking girl. So we might have 3 girls!! I can't believe that! I know that it is early though so I am taking in stride and will know more for sure after the next couple of scans. But the idea of 3 little princesses just makes me smile :)

Friday, April 1, 2011

April Fools Announcemet?

This morning I thought it would clever to make the big Facebook announcement about this triplet pregnancy. People would think it was an April Fool's joke since people are posting all sorts of outlandish status updates today. I just thought it would be a fun way to share the news. But I just couldn't pull the trigger for several reasons:

1. I know what it feels like to be dealing with IF and seeing pregnancy announcements via Facebook. It hurts, and I don't want to possibly cause others the pain that I have experienced.

2. Does it even need to be announced? I think maybe putting something in my profile at some point might be sufficient, and people who know would probably make comments on my wall, tag pictures of me pregnant, etc. Is a big status update announcement necessary?

3. At 12w3d I feel pretty secure in this pregnancy, but triplet pregnancies are high risk all the way, is it worth risking in sharing the news? If not now, then when would I feel comfortable?

4. The only "pro" in making the announcement is to share in our excitement with others. It is an exciting time in our lives and sometimes when I find myself letting fears in, seeing others' excitement helps me stay positive. 

Pretty much everyone who knows about our IF struggles also knows about this pregnancy. So all that is left are friends from college and highschool, etc. Maybe it is none of their business anyway. I don't know. I feel so conflicted. 

Disclaimer: I know this is not something to complain about or make a big deal about. I just wanted to share and sort through some thoughts about making the "big announcement". 

Also, people at work do not know yet (although, who am I kidding my belly is growing and growing). I am waiting until after Tuesday's appointment to share the news with bosses/colleagues. And I am not FB friends with anyone from work so they would not find out there. 

I guess I answered my own question by writing this post in saying that I am just not ready. Maybe I will just know if/when the time is right.