Fear is my worst enemy. It knocks on my door often. Sometimes I am strong enough to refuse to answer it, and other times I peak out the window just to see what it looks like. Then there are times that I open the door, let it walk in, and ask it if it wants something to drink.
Right now I am somewhere between peaking and letting it in. I am only 2 dpiui. I am beginning to have fears about this cycle. What if it doesn't work. Or worse, what if I have a tubal pregnancy. I get frustrated with myself because in a big picture kind of way, I just don't want to live my life like this. I don't think that a life of fear is truly "living". I hate being so "in my head" about things, and I am trying really hard to just live in the moment and continue with life as normal (minus the progesterone suppositories) until I find out if I am pregnant or not. There is absolutely no point in having those fears and worries. None!
I do kind of believe in the whole Law of Attraction/The Secret stuff. And if so, thinking those kinds of thoughts is only going to bring negativity and more fear into my life. So why must I torture myself? I really feel like I need to get this in check now because if/when I do become pregnant I will not allow myself to spend the whole 9 months being afraid.
I don't have any real control over whether or not this works out and that is scary. I just need to work on letting go of that fear and just dealing with whatever comes. It is much easier said than done for me. But writing this blog and remembering that worrying is not going to do anything good for me helps. I need to kick fear out of my house, board up the doors and windows, and just live.