Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Fear is Here

Yesterday I mentioned some pains in my lower right side. They seem to come and go and have for the past 3 days. This morning (8dpiui) they were at their worst. It was like a stabbing/pinching pain that I will feel for like 5 seconds on, 5 seconds off. It is really scaring me. I have read about implantation cramping and that it is similar to menstrual cramps, but this is nothing like menstrual cramps. It is a more localized pain. My fear is an ectopic pregnancy.

I am not being 100% irrational here. When we first met for our consult with our RE she said that it is rarely the case with CF women, but that sometimes the cilia in the fallopian tubes do not push the egg to the uterus. She said the only way of knowing if that will happen or not is if it happens. She said it was not a reason to not move forward and that we would just monitor early to ensure that the pregnancy is where it is supposed to be. She was very nonchalant about it. I, on the other hand, am not.

From what I have read it would be too early to feel pains of an ectopic, but I am just so scared. It is too early to even tell if I am pregnant. I called and left a message for the nurse but I really don't know what she could tell me about it. It is too early to diagnose anything! I really wish I were stronger. I don't know how you ladies do all of this for so long and then some (i.e. IVF). I am not even through my first IUI and I am having such a hard time keeping it together.

I am such a different person than I was the first two weeks of this cycle. The longer it goes on the less sure I become and the more fear sets in. The longer I am taking this Progesterone the more crazy, angry, sad, I am getting. I am trying not to make any decisions about subsequent cycles because of how I am feeling right now, but I do want to give all of you out there that do this back to back to back, etc. so much credit. You have so much strength. If you have any left over strength I could use some of those vibes!


  1. (((hugs))) You are so close to being near the end of this cycle. I really hope that your cramping is from implantation - it's certainly the right time of your cycle for that (and definitely the wrong time for feeling pain from an ectopic). Good luck to you! Sending tons of good vibes that you are just a few days away from great news.

  2. I agree with A. You're at the perfect time for implantation, but I totally understand your concerns about ectopic... I've thought the same thing a couple of times.
    As for doing this over and over again, I think you will find (Although I hope you don't have to do it more than ONCE!!!) that even though it doesn't get easier, it gets more familiar which takes away some of the stress.
    Sending lots of good vibes your way!

  3. Sending lots of positive vibes your way, the 2 weeks wait is so hard! Hang in there, you are more than halfway through!

  4. Good luck!!! I am also sending you lots of positive vibes! Hang in there, and hopefully you can get some good news and peace of mind soon!


  5. *hugs* I'm sorry you're struggling. Praying for you.

  6. Hang in there girlie! That 2WW is no fun at all. I hope this is just odd implantation cramps and not ectopic.
    Lots of positive vibes!

  7. Sending strong vibes your way! I feel as though I have reached the deep end of infertility but have learned many things along the way but the most important thing I can say to you is: YOU CAN DO THIS....look at where you are today. You are here and you are surviving and no matter where this journey takes you, you are strong enough (even though some days I know it probably doesn't feel that way.) Each step of the way makes you more ready to handle what comes your way...but I hope for you that the next step is a BFP. Hugs to you today!

    Joining your blog as a follower... :)
    ~Sara ICLW #152

  8. Hang in there, sister! I totally understand your fear, but there are things that are out of your control, and while you can worry all you want, there's nothing you can do about it. All you can do is trust and believe.

    I am hoping for that BFP! Hugs...