Fear is Here

Yesterday I mentioned some pains in my lower right side. They seem to come and go and have for the past 3 days. This morning (8dpiui) they were at their worst. It was like a stabbing/pinching pain that I will feel for like 5 seconds on, 5 seconds off. It is really scaring me. I have read about implantation cramping and that it is similar to menstrual cramps, but this is nothing like menstrual cramps. It is a more localized pain. My fear is an ectopic pregnancy.

I am not being 100% irrational here. When we first met for our consult with our RE she said that it is rarely the case with CF women, but that sometimes the cilia in the fallopian tubes do not push the egg to the uterus. She said the only way of knowing if that will happen or not is if it happens. She said it was not a reason to not move forward and that we would just monitor early to ensure that the pregnancy is where it is supposed to be. She was very nonchalant about it. I, on the other hand, am not.

From what I have read it would be too early to feel pains of an ectopic, but I am just so scared. It is too early to even tell if I am pregnant. I called and left a message for the nurse but I really don't know what she could tell me about it. It is too early to diagnose anything! I really wish I were stronger. I don't know how you ladies do all of this for so long and then some (i.e. IVF). I am not even through my first IUI and I am having such a hard time keeping it together.

I am such a different person than I was the first two weeks of this cycle. The longer it goes on the less sure I become and the more fear sets in. The longer I am taking this Progesterone the more crazy, angry, sad, I am getting. I am trying not to make any decisions about subsequent cycles because of how I am feeling right now, but I do want to give all of you out there that do this back to back to back, etc. so much credit. You have so much strength. If you have any left over strength I could use some of those vibes!