The news is spreading like wild fire. DH and I both have large, close extended families. This news has leaked and pretty much all extended family knows. 2 extended family members posted something to our FB walls and I deleted the messages immediately and wrote them each private messages thanking them for their congrats, but that we are not ready to go "public" yet. They both completely understood.
When I take a step back and really see what's happening I feel overwhelmed in a good way. We had so many people pulling for us because we have been sharing about our journey for awhile now. They are all so excited that they want to share the news. But, I am scared because it is so early. Each time someone expresses their excitement instead of enjoying it with them my reaction is to want to tell them that it is early so we aren't sure what is going to happen. That should not be my initial reaction!
There is no way to ever know how I would have felt if I got a BFP when we first starting TTC over 3 years ago, but I am fairly certain I would not be this worried about something going wrong. So I am trying to get in that mentality. If I got a BFP and was a fertile would I be excited: Absolutely! I think I would be naive to the things that could go wrong. I am trying to hard to be ignorant and just relish in it, but I am really, really struggling.
Part of me wants to protect myself, but in all honesty, if something horrible happens it will be devastating whether I protect myself or not. And hopefully all these people who are so excited would be there to support us. Living my life waiting for the other shoe to drop is not what I want to do. I am fighting so hard to not feel like this.
I have been having some menstrual-like cramps on and off for a couple of days and this has triggered fear and worry. Even though I know it can be normal (so long as it is not paired with bleeding, which it is not) I am scared. I wish I could just enjoy this, but instead I am waiting to hear the bad news. I am so upset with myself for feeling this way.