Wednesday, February 9, 2011

She Called Me Selfish...And it Was Just What I Needed

I see a therapist and I am not afraid to admit it (I don't really understand the stigma, but that is a whole other post). Last night I had a session and I was telling my therapist about all of my fears with this pregnancy. After validating my feelings, of course, she called me out and told me I was being selfish. Now if anyone else I know called me selfish regarding this pregnancy I would have been so upset and angry with them. But when she said it I stopped sobbing and it kind of jolted me.

She continued...I am being selfish because it is possible that I am letting my fears harm my unborn child(ren). She said that by having all of these negative thoughts/images I am causing stress to my body, not breathing enough, etc. She reminded me that being a parent means protecting your children from you fears and having an "its all going to be ok" attitude. If I let my fears get the best of me, how will that translate into my parenting?

She just really made me think about things in a different perspective and that is what I needed. I am so worried about how I will feel if this pregnancy is taken away from me, when in doing so I *could* be indirectly contributing harm to it. Whether it makes sense to anyone else or not, I guess it doesn't matter. But to me, this is what I needed to be brave. I might not be able to do it for myself, but I am able to be courageous for my baby.

I am glad to be learning this lesson now because of course there will be more fears that come my way. Won't we always worry about our children? I think the trick is to be afraid enough to take responsible care for them, but not afraid enough to where your own fears are harming your children by controlling them or making them feel anxious.

I feel like some weight has been lifted and I am going to try to keep working on this.



  1. What an eye-opening conversation. Someday when I am pregnant I will keep those things in mind. I tend to be a worry wart which is definitely not a healthy thing! Glad you have a therapist that you trust enough to let her call you selfish!

  2. This is great insight. So it's true, "the greatest thing to fear is fear itself." here's to lots of deep breathing, calming thoughts and just taking one day at a time.

  3. This is such an interesting point.
    I have a friend who is pregnant who smokes and who is going through some tough personal times. Her doctor told her that the stress was just as bad for the baby as smoking. That stress was like heroine to the baby.
    I have heard also that pregnancy worries are just the beginning and we will be concerned for our children for the rest of our lives. I had thought about keeping my children safe from adult issues but i had not thought about keeping my unborn children safe in the same way. Thank you for being so open and sharing this therapy session with us.