Wednesday, December 29, 2010

What Did You Expect For Me To Say?

Yesterday's visit with pessimistic preggo, I will now refer to her as Polly, went bad. I was really proud of how I handled myself. She was so annoying. She complained ALL DAY. I am not exaggerating.

At the end of the day, right before I was about to leave it was just her and I in the kitchen and here is where things got sticky:

Her: "Oh my gosh, this pregnancy is killing me! I am over it [she is 15 weeks]"
Me: "Polly, I hate to hear you say things like that"
Her: "Huh?"
Me: "Your pregnancy is a blessing. You should feel lucky"
Her: Rolls eyes
Me: "I am serious. You have something a lot of people can't have"
Insert awkward silence here

Luckily someone came in the room and the conversation ended. I wasn't going to say anything at all until she said what she did when it was just to me. What did she expect for me to say? Did she think I was going to pity her? Did she think I was going to sympathize with her? Remember, she knows about our IF.

My friend told me that after I left she was upset and told her husband that her mom and others told her she shouldn't have to watch what she says around me.

I am just hurt right now. I have been open about our struggles so that hopefully, there is some consideration about how I feel. I do not want to make a big deal about things or make everything about me. I am just asking for SOME kind of human decency.

I mean, if you got a huge promotion and were spending time with someone who was really struggling financially, would you go on and on about how excited you were about your increase in salary, how you now never have to worry about money at all, or all the things you want to do with your new found cash? No! You would watch what you say so that you don't make that person feel uncomfortable. Why is this any different??

And the fact that her mother told her not to watch what she says hurts me to, because this is my DH's aunt whom we are very close to. She always seems so supportive.

I wish this didn't bother me, and as I mentioned in my previous post, I am torn about why it should. BUT it does. It makes me so upset and angry. I try to fight feeling that way and I stuff it down, but it always finds its way to the surface.

I am going to go the gym now, so I can hopefully shake this off.


  1. Ugh, how frustrating! I'm so sorry she has a complete lack of compassion. As for your aunt, perhaps she just didn't want to fight with Polly, so just said what Polly wanted to hear? Not that it makes what she did justifiable at all, but I can understand not wanting drama.

    Maybe what you said to her will help her to be a bit more thoughtful in the future. I hope the gym helps you get out some of your frustration!!

  2. Thank you for stopping by my blog! I really like this post, and I love your comparison with the promotion example. You're right... if you were promoted, you wouldn't go around announcing to the world how much more money you make.

    Best of luck with your IUI - I look forward to following your journey! Here's to a great 2011 :)

  3. Some people are self centered. Your friend is self-centered. It is not a huge sacrifice to ask her to limit her pregnancy complaints around you. I don't care how much discomfort she has.

    I hope your workout made you feel better.

  4. Basic human decency indeed. I've had to "defriend" facebookers who complain non-stop about pregnancy and distance myself from friends/family IRL who do the same.

    In a bizarre twist of fate, I'd say the blessing to struggling with fertility is that IFers really appreciate and realize what a blessing it is to be able to have a child.