Thursday, November 4, 2010

Where To Start?

About Me:

I am 26 years old, have been married for 3 1/2 years, and have been TTC for 3 years. My TTC journey has an added challenge because I was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis (CF) when I was 24 years old. If you know anything about CF, you know that it is rare to be diagnosed as an adult. I suffer from a "mild" case and if you would like to learn more about it please email me ( and I would be happy to share some info with you. Here is a QUICK summary (CF mostly bothers me w/a persistent cough, and I have to do daily treatments to clear my airways of the thick mucus that can clog them. I have not been "really sick" or hospitalized, or anything like that). 

I have another blog that I share with family that talks about my CF journey and touches on our IF struggles. However, I wanted to start a separate TTC blog because as many of you have probably experienced, as much as I open up to family and friends, and express my feelings in the most articulate way possible, they just.don' Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the support I have received from them, but I need a group of people who get it. A place where I can be 100% honest because someone else has probably felt the same way. A place where I can talk about BBTs, SA numbers, Luteal Phases, etc. without explaining what they mean. A place where I can be me. 

About Us:

My husband is my best friend, as cliche as that sounds. We met in high school but did not seriously date until college. We have been together for over 7 years, have lived together for 5, and have been married for 3 1/2. We have our struggles like any other couple, but our relationship is my sanity and constant amongst the crazy and turbulent life that has been ours for the past couple of years. We tend to protect each other and "take turns" being stressed or sad, where one person is the rock and the positive one and the other is allowed to be a "mess". Sometimes this works for us, but at other times I wish we would be sad together, or at least be on the same page emotionally. We are working on this...He works for an IT company for Health Care, and I work at a college. Neither of us LOVE our jobs, but they will do for now. I was a counselor for a couple of years, but needed to step back from other people's emotional difficulties while I tried to sort through my own, with being diagnosed with CF and with our IF struggles. I am about to start (slowly) working on a degree in teaching while I am working FT. 

Our TTC Journey:

January 2007: Ditched the BCPs
May 2007: Happiest Day of My Life (Got Married)
August 2007: Started TTC (naive me was planning to time things so that our baby would be born right after graduating from my masters program..ha!)
August 2008: After an emotional year of constant BFNs, Ob/Gyn fertility work up (SA results good) Started Clomid, 50mg BFN
September 2008: Clomid 50mg, Round 2, BFN
October 2008: Diagnosed with CF, stopped taking Clomid... had to figure out what this diagnosis meant for us.
November: 2009: DH tests negative for CF carrier test, what a relief! Means that our children have .001% chance of having CF. 
February 2009: Consult with RE #1; plan: unmedicated IUI
March 2009: HSG, results (RE says all clear, but ob/gyn says one tube is blocked...?)
April 2009: b/t working full time, IF and CF testing and Drs appointments I was OVERWHELMED. Felt stuck. Too scared and overwhelmed to move forward.
May 2009-July 2010: Halted all ART plans. We needed time to process the CF diagnosis. Not "trying" but not preventing a pregnancy. Just relaxing about TTC = more BFNs
August 2010: Feeling "solid" about CF and life in general.  Ready to move forward with TTC assistance.
August 2010-present: Charts look good, but all BFNs
October 2010: Ob/gyn says all looks good, just thick cervical mucus (caused by CF), recommends an RE and is very hopeful for us.
November 15th 2010 (Upcoming): Consult with RE #2

I am nervous and excited to move forward. With what I can piece together from the collective testing from the past couple of years is that our issue might just be cervical mucus, which is the case with many CF women, and so we are hopeful that IUI will be our answer. But I am also guarded because with more hope comes more disappointment if it does not work out. 

We are ready to have a family. We feel like we have this abundant amount of love to share with a child. We daydream all the time about our baby and having a family, and all of the fun things we will do together. We are also realistic about it, and are ready for the challenge of a newborn. We are ready for it all. I am hoping, hoping, hoping that it will happen for us, even though at times I am so scared that it won't. But I can't let myself go there. For 1) It is too early in the process and 2) It is too sad to think about. 

I hope that I can gain (and give) support through this blog because I need it. I have learned how important it is to not feel alone, and to open up honestly to others. I used to think I could handle everything on my own, but now I know it is ok to reach out. So this is me reaching out. Welcome to my blog! 

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