Monday, November 8, 2010

Patience Really is a Virtue

One week until the RE consultation. News Flash: I am not a patient person. I am working on this, but my IF journey has really been a test of patience...and belief. Two things I struggle with. I am trying to keep busy, but once I decide on a plan I want to dive into it 100%.

So much about IF requires waiting.

Waiting to ditch the BCPs until the time is right to try to have children.
Waiting to ovulate.
Waiting during the 2WW.
Waiting to see the doctor.
Waiting on test results.
Waiting to try again.
Waiting, waiting, and more waiting.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have applied to begin a masters in teaching degree which I would plan on taking part-time, after work. I had a phone interview last week (which I feel went very well). The program coordinator said that candidates would find out their admissions decision within a week or so. I have been obsessively hitting the refresh button on the application status website in which the same statement is shown in red: No Decision at this Time

I see it over and over again. These words pretty much sum up my life right now. Ugh. I am so sick of waiting. I can only be patient for so long. I need answers. I need something absolute. I need to know something definitive so that I can move forward...with something...anything! I feel stagnant and I hate that feeling. 

I feel very whiney and I don't think I am normally this whiney. But I am going to be honest on this blog and this is where I am today. Whiney and impatient. 

I am also excited and nervous about the consult. I wonder if this RE will have the same plan as the last one (unmedicated IUI). Maybe she will want to re-do all the testing again since they were done a year and a half ago. Maybe she will want to re-do some of the tests. I am hoping another HSG is not going to be ordered. That was not fun. At all.

Above all, I am ready to have a fertility treatment plan. I am ready for concrete steps that my type-A personality can take. I am ready to move forward. Trying on our own and getting BFNs repeatedly feels like we have been banging our heads against the wall. Obviously it is time to move on. I have accepted this. Now I am ready for the next step. Bring it on!

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