Growing By The Second
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Go Away Fear, You Are Not Welcome Here
This weekend we hit a big milestone. We started registering for gifts for our baby girls. I had no idea I would feel emotional about it. But while walking around the stores with my DH and picking and choosing the baby items really made me pause and feel so grateful. Planning for a shower feels surreal. There were several times throughout our TTC journey when my doubts and fears overwhelmed me and I thought I might never be sitting at my own baby shower, or that I would never have a need to register for baby products.
But here we are. Tomorrow I will be 17 weeks. I got teary-eyed just picking things up off the shelf and picturing OUR baby/babies using them. I know to some that this is early to register, but I don't really have much of a choice. I am getting more uncomfortable by the day, and to avoid missing my shower due to possible bed rest, my first (having 2) shower is in less than 4 weeks!!
Registering was a lot of fun. I did research on products and even made a spreadsheet (I know, a little much) before we hit the stores so that we wouldn't feel overwhelmed with all that we needed. It is very hard to stick to a "theme" when buying products for 3 babies, and instead of getting them all the same thing (when it comes to things like swings and exersaucers) we were pretty much all over the place and things don't all match. I even threw in a lot of blues and greens even though they are girls, because I love those colors. I am also not sure how much I could tolerate a whole house full of pink.
Their nursery will be brown and pink for the most part, so don't worry, the pink will have its place :) This weekend my parents are coming into town and they have generously offered to purchase the babies' cribs, so we will be crib hunting. We are so lucky, and it is such a relief financially to not have to buy three cribs.
As I get further along in the pregnancy I notice that all kinds of fears try to creep into my consciousness. It is like the more I settle into my pregnancy, the more some defense mechanism wants to comes out telling me to protect myself. I have done a fairly good job of ignoring that part of me, but it is there deep down somewhere. Do we all have that? I am DETERMINED not to let fear ruin this experience. I have ultrasounds pretty much weekly...what more proof do I need that everything is ok with the babies? Also my daily belly growth should be enough proof, but still at times I find myself fearing worst case scenarios. I really just remind myself that there is no reason to worry unless I have a reason to worry. I try to relax. And I try to just appreciate every single moment.
But here we are. Tomorrow I will be 17 weeks. I got teary-eyed just picking things up off the shelf and picturing OUR baby/babies using them. I know to some that this is early to register, but I don't really have much of a choice. I am getting more uncomfortable by the day, and to avoid missing my shower due to possible bed rest, my first (having 2) shower is in less than 4 weeks!!
Registering was a lot of fun. I did research on products and even made a spreadsheet (I know, a little much) before we hit the stores so that we wouldn't feel overwhelmed with all that we needed. It is very hard to stick to a "theme" when buying products for 3 babies, and instead of getting them all the same thing (when it comes to things like swings and exersaucers) we were pretty much all over the place and things don't all match. I even threw in a lot of blues and greens even though they are girls, because I love those colors. I am also not sure how much I could tolerate a whole house full of pink.
Their nursery will be brown and pink for the most part, so don't worry, the pink will have its place :) This weekend my parents are coming into town and they have generously offered to purchase the babies' cribs, so we will be crib hunting. We are so lucky, and it is such a relief financially to not have to buy three cribs.
As I get further along in the pregnancy I notice that all kinds of fears try to creep into my consciousness. It is like the more I settle into my pregnancy, the more some defense mechanism wants to comes out telling me to protect myself. I have done a fairly good job of ignoring that part of me, but it is there deep down somewhere. Do we all have that? I am DETERMINED not to let fear ruin this experience. I have ultrasounds pretty much weekly...what more proof do I need that everything is ok with the babies? Also my daily belly growth should be enough proof, but still at times I find myself fearing worst case scenarios. I really just remind myself that there is no reason to worry unless I have a reason to worry. I try to relax. And I try to just appreciate every single moment.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Pink, Pink, Pink It Is!
Yesterday I had my 16 week check up with my perinatologist and she confirmed that we are indeed expecting three little ladies! The girls looked great and are each weighing in at a whopping 5 oz each. She said they were in the 70th-ish percentile so I am very proud of my little ones. I guess me feeling like the life is being sucked out of me is worth it because it seems like they are taking what they need from me. It is such a relief to see the babies on the u/s and to know they are doing good. I can't believe how high up Baby C is already (almost to my ribs)!
I have my cervix checked at each appointment and the doc said that 3 weeks ago it measured at 4.0 cm, but yesterday measured at 3.7 cm. She said it was not too much of a cause of concern right now, just something she will be looking at closely, and would like to start seeing me every 2 weeks. Remember, I also see an OB, so it looks like I am about to start weekly appointments (since alternating between the two). A shortening/weakening cervix could be cause for bedrest so I am hoping for it to stay very strong!
After the appointment we took a private tour of the NICU. The nurse was so nice and informative. One of the first things she said to me was, "I know you hear all the scary stories, but you need to know that we have plenty of triplets born who we don't even see in the NICU because they go home with their mommy and daddy". It is very helpful for me to hear the positive stories. We saw some tiny babies in there and I just wanted to hold all of them. I feel a lot better having seen the NICU and having the nurse explain things like visiting policies, and what to expect in the NICU. She told me to be sure I take the "regular" tour also, so I will make sure to do that.
Although on some level this whole thing is still pretty surreal, it is already becoming normal. And now I am really getting excited about their arrival. Outside of massive dizzy spells I am feeling great and just taking things day by day.
Thanks for the supportive comments about my family/financial drama. They really helped. DH has been talking to his dad about figuring something out. Let's hope for some resolution that is manageable!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Family/Financial Issues Vent
There has been a situation that I am really trying to not get worked up about, but I am having a very hard time so I am going to vent about it here. I know that this stress is not good for the pregnancy so I really need some help in not letting it get to me.
A little background: My DH and I have been together since college when we were broke and our parents didn't give us very much money to live on. Then I started grad school so we were living on one income. Long story short, we have never been the most financially stable, and only recently have had enough money to pursue fertility treatments and to start saving for a baby. Once the triplets are born I will not be returning to work for many reasons (impossible to afford childcare for 3 babies, I want to raise my children, childcare would be a logistical nightmare, etc), so we will once again be living on one income.
The Situation: My DH's parents are divorced. It was his parents' agreement that they would each pay for half of his college education. Right before Christmas, his father told his mother (via email) that he was "done" with his half and that it was her turn to pick up the student loans for her half. Instead of them working things out on their own, DH's mom came to DH and said she couldn't afford to take them over and asked if he would handle it. For some reason, it is IMPOSSIBLE for my DH to confront his mother about anything. He talked to his dad about it and his dad said he would take care of it.
Fast forward, almost 6 months, and last week I got a call from a collections agency. Apparently no one has "taken care of" or paid the student loans since before Christmas and the account has been turned over to a collections agency in my husband's name. We have to pay an additional $2k to remove the delinquency and then back to payments for the remaining $5k of the student loan.
I am freaking out because we CANNOT afford to take on this added expense right now. We are already concerned with being able to afford care for 3 babies on one income. Adding another monthly payment is next to impossible. We are already have some debt we are trying to pay off and a very little amount of money in savings.
I am PISSED at my MIL because she constantly plays the victim, she is passive aggressive, and avoids any potential conflict. She should have just worked things out with my FIL instead of going to my DH with it. I feel HELPLESS because there is nothing I can do in this situation to take care of it, and it is not my place to ask his parents to try to resolve this. DH just wants us to figure this out on our own. How in the world are we going to afford 3 babies!?!?! How will we make ends meet? Just when I feel like we are getting ahead financially we are taken back by this and I feel like it was not our fault. I am so scared of what this financial stress is going to do to us once the babies are hear, and for what it is already doing.
I am not sure how you can help. I am hoping for any advice or support. I am allowing this to make me anxious and upset, and I know that is the last thing I need to be right now. If you made it this far...THANK YOU!
A little background: My DH and I have been together since college when we were broke and our parents didn't give us very much money to live on. Then I started grad school so we were living on one income. Long story short, we have never been the most financially stable, and only recently have had enough money to pursue fertility treatments and to start saving for a baby. Once the triplets are born I will not be returning to work for many reasons (impossible to afford childcare for 3 babies, I want to raise my children, childcare would be a logistical nightmare, etc), so we will once again be living on one income.
The Situation: My DH's parents are divorced. It was his parents' agreement that they would each pay for half of his college education. Right before Christmas, his father told his mother (via email) that he was "done" with his half and that it was her turn to pick up the student loans for her half. Instead of them working things out on their own, DH's mom came to DH and said she couldn't afford to take them over and asked if he would handle it. For some reason, it is IMPOSSIBLE for my DH to confront his mother about anything. He talked to his dad about it and his dad said he would take care of it.
Fast forward, almost 6 months, and last week I got a call from a collections agency. Apparently no one has "taken care of" or paid the student loans since before Christmas and the account has been turned over to a collections agency in my husband's name. We have to pay an additional $2k to remove the delinquency and then back to payments for the remaining $5k of the student loan.
I am freaking out because we CANNOT afford to take on this added expense right now. We are already concerned with being able to afford care for 3 babies on one income. Adding another monthly payment is next to impossible. We are already have some debt we are trying to pay off and a very little amount of money in savings.
I am PISSED at my MIL because she constantly plays the victim, she is passive aggressive, and avoids any potential conflict. She should have just worked things out with my FIL instead of going to my DH with it. I feel HELPLESS because there is nothing I can do in this situation to take care of it, and it is not my place to ask his parents to try to resolve this. DH just wants us to figure this out on our own. How in the world are we going to afford 3 babies!?!?! How will we make ends meet? Just when I feel like we are getting ahead financially we are taken back by this and I feel like it was not our fault. I am so scared of what this financial stress is going to do to us once the babies are hear, and for what it is already doing.
I am not sure how you can help. I am hoping for any advice or support. I am allowing this to make me anxious and upset, and I know that is the last thing I need to be right now. If you made it this far...THANK YOU!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Before and During Pics
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| CD1, 0w1d pregnant. I have to admit I was flexing... |
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| 15w4 Triplet Belly |
Hope everyone has a great Easter! :)
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Lists, Lists, and More Lists
What do I do when I feel overwhelmed? Make lists of course! All of a sudden at 15w2d pregnant I feel like time is running out to get everything done that I need to. I think I have mentioned before that my MFM informed me that some women who are pregnant with triplets don't need bedrest at all, while some need it as early as 18-20 weeks. I am being very optimistic that the later won't be me, but I would also like to be prepared in the event that it could be.
My mom is throwing me a shower for family/friends on May 29th and I will be just over 20 weeks (and the size of a 30+ week singleton pregnancy). I have been adamant about not wanting to possibly miss my one and only baby shower because I might be on bedrest so we aired on the side of cautioned and planned to have it early as I am told most triplet moms do. So that means the shower is in less than 6 weeks and we have not registered yet.
My first list is of things we want to register for. The list is mighty long. If you think about all the things you need for one baby and multiply almost everything by 3 that's my list. Of course there are some things we won't need 3 of, but for the most part this list is overwhelmingly long. But I keep telling myself that we can make do with whatever we have and that there are a lot of things on that list that are not "necessities".
My second list is a list of people to invite to the shower. I can't wait to share in this excitement with all of them! At the same time it feels surreal that we are already planning my baby shower. Not so long ago I wasn't sure if this event would ever happen.
My third list is a to-do list in which I am trimming the fat on our budget. Since we will be living on one modest income after the babies are born, we really need to cut corners. I am researching cheaper phone, cable, etc plans just to trim things down a bit.
My fourth list is a general household to-do list. There are many things we need to do to prepare for the babies like moving furniture around, fixing a couple of things around the house, etc. We plan on starting the nursery within the next month.
I feel like everything is fast forwarded with a HOM (higher order multiple) pregnancy. And I suppose it is, seeing as though an average triplet pregnancy lasts 32 weeks. Imagine taking 2 months off the entire process. I know we will be ready, but all of a sudden time is ticking and I would like to be as prepared as we can in the event that I am a prisoner to my bed and can't do anything but sit around and think about all the things I wish I could have taken care of.
So those are my lists, and as I cross each item off I feel a little better.
BTW, one last update: My OB's office called yesterday to inform me that my hemoglobin was low. I was already taking iron supplements 3xs a week since my OB said that anemia is very common in HOM pregnancies, but the nurse told me to take daily from now on. I was kind of glad to hear this in a way, because maybe that has been the cause of my dizziness, and if so, I am hoping that by upping my iron intake it will alleviate that!
My mom is throwing me a shower for family/friends on May 29th and I will be just over 20 weeks (and the size of a 30+ week singleton pregnancy). I have been adamant about not wanting to possibly miss my one and only baby shower because I might be on bedrest so we aired on the side of cautioned and planned to have it early as I am told most triplet moms do. So that means the shower is in less than 6 weeks and we have not registered yet.
My first list is of things we want to register for. The list is mighty long. If you think about all the things you need for one baby and multiply almost everything by 3 that's my list. Of course there are some things we won't need 3 of, but for the most part this list is overwhelmingly long. But I keep telling myself that we can make do with whatever we have and that there are a lot of things on that list that are not "necessities".
My second list is a list of people to invite to the shower. I can't wait to share in this excitement with all of them! At the same time it feels surreal that we are already planning my baby shower. Not so long ago I wasn't sure if this event would ever happen.
My third list is a to-do list in which I am trimming the fat on our budget. Since we will be living on one modest income after the babies are born, we really need to cut corners. I am researching cheaper phone, cable, etc plans just to trim things down a bit.
My fourth list is a general household to-do list. There are many things we need to do to prepare for the babies like moving furniture around, fixing a couple of things around the house, etc. We plan on starting the nursery within the next month.
I feel like everything is fast forwarded with a HOM (higher order multiple) pregnancy. And I suppose it is, seeing as though an average triplet pregnancy lasts 32 weeks. Imagine taking 2 months off the entire process. I know we will be ready, but all of a sudden time is ticking and I would like to be as prepared as we can in the event that I am a prisoner to my bed and can't do anything but sit around and think about all the things I wish I could have taken care of.
So those are my lists, and as I cross each item off I feel a little better.
BTW, one last update: My OB's office called yesterday to inform me that my hemoglobin was low. I was already taking iron supplements 3xs a week since my OB said that anemia is very common in HOM pregnancies, but the nurse told me to take daily from now on. I was kind of glad to hear this in a way, because maybe that has been the cause of my dizziness, and if so, I am hoping that by upping my iron intake it will alleviate that!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Changes
My body is changing so rapidly I can't keep up with it. Last night was a real eye opener for me. During almost the whole first trimester I wasn't too keen on any physical intimacy with DH. I felt sick and tired most of the time. Well, since about 12 weeks when things started to improve, intimacy was green lighted once again! Last night was horrible and I just wanted to share...maybe TMI, but I will be tasteful.
DH and I were BD (can we still call it that even though we already made the babies?) and we had to keep stopping and taking breaks because I was getting dizzy and out of breath. It was really annoying and I did not want to stop, but I also did not want to pass out. It also felt like there was something between us (because there was! a belly with three babies in it). That was weird. We had to be creative with positioning and we worked something out that was mutually beneficial.
Immediately after I started crying (hormonal much?). I feel like my body is not mine anymore and I am completely ok with that 99% of the time. But if I am being honest, there are times when things start to get uncomfortable that it becomes frustrating. It also made me fear what is ahead a little. I am going to get HUGE and I am not going to be able to do most things. With a higher order multiple pregnancy some/most doctors do not want you having intercourse past 20 weeks because it can cause contractions. But really, this whole breakdown wasn't about the sex itself...it is more about some of my fear with what is to come and the limitations that are going to be placed on my body. Last night I had trouble making it through some very easy, gentle intimacy. Breaks!? It just felt so weird. It made me afraid of all the little things that are going to make me feel out of breath/dizzy or that I won't even be able to do for myself. Thinking about how uncomfortable I will get that I won't be able to sleep. Yikes.
I try to live in the moment and enjoy things one day at a time and I really do a good job of that! But last night was quite the wake up call of how much is changing and will continue to change. The sacrifices are WELL worth it, but it is a strange thing to not really have control of your body anymore. I keep telling myself that I can do it. I guess I should try not to catastrophize and just chalk it up to a bad day...
I hope no one is offended by this post. I truly feel like I can be 100% honest here because of how supportive you all are, and also because of the anonymity. I thought maybe others can relate and if not I could just have an outlet.
DH and I were BD (can we still call it that even though we already made the babies?) and we had to keep stopping and taking breaks because I was getting dizzy and out of breath. It was really annoying and I did not want to stop, but I also did not want to pass out. It also felt like there was something between us (because there was! a belly with three babies in it). That was weird. We had to be creative with positioning and we worked something out that was mutually beneficial.
Immediately after I started crying (hormonal much?). I feel like my body is not mine anymore and I am completely ok with that 99% of the time. But if I am being honest, there are times when things start to get uncomfortable that it becomes frustrating. It also made me fear what is ahead a little. I am going to get HUGE and I am not going to be able to do most things. With a higher order multiple pregnancy some/most doctors do not want you having intercourse past 20 weeks because it can cause contractions. But really, this whole breakdown wasn't about the sex itself...it is more about some of my fear with what is to come and the limitations that are going to be placed on my body. Last night I had trouble making it through some very easy, gentle intimacy. Breaks!? It just felt so weird. It made me afraid of all the little things that are going to make me feel out of breath/dizzy or that I won't even be able to do for myself. Thinking about how uncomfortable I will get that I won't be able to sleep. Yikes.
I try to live in the moment and enjoy things one day at a time and I really do a good job of that! But last night was quite the wake up call of how much is changing and will continue to change. The sacrifices are WELL worth it, but it is a strange thing to not really have control of your body anymore. I keep telling myself that I can do it. I guess I should try not to catastrophize and just chalk it up to a bad day...
I hope no one is offended by this post. I truly feel like I can be 100% honest here because of how supportive you all are, and also because of the anonymity. I thought maybe others can relate and if not I could just have an outlet.
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